EXISTENCE… BURDENS….& FEAR

8 09 2007

I know i was destined for something special the moment i met the CAFE people, within the boundaries of CAFE center, i felt as if i possessed a curious inner light.

Sometimes, lying in bed at night, i wondered restlessly if i had come into this world by mistake, or maybe i should b living by another aspect of life or not exsiting at all.

i am now in the crossroads of my life wherein i am bound to choose between the two best and noble things in the world. i know that there is an extraordinary journey on which i am about to embark. i knw that i was entering a world apart, that i was about to begin  a journey that would last the rest of my life…

At this moment, I am not  certain if i a can really do my part. Life is not an easy journey for me. there was a time when i really resigned. It is the test of faith. Whether i like it or not, my life has indeed become very miserable.

with all my concerns / worries and conditions…. time and place have collided. I dreamt i was a child, and in my dream i know i was in this room and that i was reaching God’s hand…

Odd isn’t it? that the closer i get to know God more, the more God showered me burdens. and that the closer i get to undertands death, the more i understands the nature of time…

I hope it doesn’t exist. Not really, at least, it doesn’t for me.

it’s like a wheel that revolves constantly. What happened two years ago is no less than clear what transpired two minutes ago… and what happened 10 to 15 years ago is just as clear as remembering my dreams last night…

the dream was so clear, i was a child licking lollipop in my right hand… ice cream in my left hand…

A child not worrying a single thing. Feeling nothing, but the happiness of playing under the sun and joys of fooling around with playmates.

But it wasn’t a dream, not really except that it was purely created by my imagination…

God really works in myterious ways.

Perhaps it was the Lord God or perhaps it was simply the environment i invaded in this world in every turn. but whatever it is, existence, burdens, and fear, I felt it , as surely as a strong guiding hand to the Lord…

"Going through trials in life… is just crossing a bridge…"

This is all in aid of standing still.. No matter how much i worry, no matter  what disasters befall—and there will be setbacks too, of that i maybe certain…….. GOD IS WITH US…\

AND I BELIEVE WHAT MY HEARTS TELL ME… I COULD OVERCOME ALL THIS WITH MY WARRIOR HEART…

those struggles was… after all, is normal in every aspect….