moving on

24 08 2008

I did the best I can to inflict the least harm as I bob and weave thru life. Which made me wonder just what I was doing with him yet again? Was that love? I wondered… With all the right men around, what am I doing with the wrong one? My friends told me “You’re just fooling yourself”. “But I love him.” I told them. I waited for a reply, no one answered, and then I realized they are all staring at me. A friend told me one day, “My Friend, move on”. “How”, I told myself. When after all these years, I was still dazzled by his smile and memories. I still didn’t understand. I don’t know maybe its just always wanting what I can’t have. Maybe it’s not knowing what I want. There was a time when I could have him, but I let him go, I didn’t tell him how I … Well, he is special. It is what I felt for him from the beginning. He likes the best of everything. And I loved him. And I’d always be there for him. But, the real pain is, I was a way station for him, a pit stop on the way to something better. It hurts when he left me. And hurt more every time I missed him, because I know he’d never be back again. I remembered the day, it was cool and breezy, and a light rain was falling, pinging off the tin roof. He gave me a light kiss, hen he turned away. He looked back and waved goodbye. And as the rain was falling, my tears were falling too. That day, as he finally stepped out of my life, it reminds me what a fool I was, Or am. And I’d keep that way… But.. Thanks God, I finally realized we are not meant to be. I lost him, and he lost me. I think that’ life is… I know everybody would agree on that and am totally healed now. Although, I can’t deny it to myself that, I missed him so.