realization

16 03 2009

In life, its not always the good things to motivate us, i just realized that even pain, hurts, embarassments, hardships, discouragements andb failures can also motivate us to dream Big. 

I strive really hard so i can finish school. Praise God,  was able to finished college.  Now, I am working as an EA (Executive Assistant), and i am striving for more. Some would say, i should be contented, because, im receiving my pay in full and yet still single. But i told them “NO. I want MORE.”

This “I want MORE” thing ( as i like to call it), was driven by a hurtful, and a heartbreaking statement.

I was so kind of disappointed with how our relatives treated me and my family. They always look down on us. They say, “we can’t achieve anything, we can’t find job even if we have a degree of our own, just because we do not have the so-called “PERSONALITY”. This hurtful statement came from my father’s elder sister (my Aunt).  

When i first heard this, i was so ashamed of myself. Am i really that ugly? I know that I am not so BEAUTIFUL as they are (as what they claimed) but i know deep inside of me, what most important is that you know how to deal  with other people and  that you know what’s good for you and that you have the guts to change everything on yourself for something better, not for worse.

I really tried hard to pleased her, but really, there’s a  truth in a cliche that ” You cannot please everybody”. How ironic?  I might please everybody in my neighborhood, but not her.”

Im so angry and i am FULL of this foolishness. I call this foolishness because, firstly, everybody is so busy making lives, while they are so busy making rumors (chizmiz). Secondly, why not leave us alone, and let our lives in peace, (of courSe, only if they don’t just sit there, relaxing and busy thinking, who’s next in line? { susunod na itsi-tsizmiz}. Thirdly, why cant they, just be happy for us, everytime we achieve something {eventhough, its killing them}. Lastly, I hate it, everytime i feel, im hating my own bloodline, all i want for my entire clan, is that, we stay happy together, sharing things/ ideas & times, and helping each other not only in good times  but also in bad times.
I am really hurt, until now. I thought of writing it here in my blog, hoping someday, she can read this (hahahaha), and hopefully, she’ll asked someday for forgiveness. We are always open for forgiveness, but please, be sincere enough and i hope, its not too late.

But thanks to her, we are moving on our own now, striving for MORE. I just really want to pray that someday, she will come to her senses and someday, she will be knocking on our door and say, “Hey, Im sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

🙂

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