What a GIRL wants???

25 05 2009

I had this one night, i can’t sleep, i was thinking of what would happen the next day. I came to realized that i wasnt happy of what I am right now. My everyday life became a routine, from waking up, getting to work, taking dinner, going to bed. I realized i wasnt really happy after all. I needed something to break the routine. I was even thinking of trying new things like cigars, alcohol, going to party everynight. But if all this stuff would rule me. then it was not me. I was a little confused. So I asked myself, What i Want??

It takes time for me to think what i really wanted, of what i really needed. I have my family with me, i have work, i have friends, and what else…. There, I needed to shift career, jejeje, but it seem so hard.

Well, i just needed somebody who can see me as who I am and as what i am. I don’t need somebody who can’t even stand for me. I even asked the Lord God to give me now my-would-be-special-someone. This is not a wanted-boyfriend-syndrome. But this is merely an expression of my thoughts and feelings. I was once had a very special friend, i used to call him, nan-nan.

I described him as responsible, God Fearing, thoughtful, loving, caring, sweet, good looking boyfriend. My girl friends like him because he’s so jolly and sociable. He can easily get along with my friends.

I cant believed the first time he asked me to marry him..i even said, woahhh, you’re dreaming Mr…. he looked so sad. I didnt mean to be rude. It just that, its hard to believed.  My girl friends told me to say yes. Im not yet sure that time. He even thinks i dont really loved him that much. I turned down his proposal. That is, the biggest regret i ever made, i lied to him, i told him, I can’t marry you because i’m not yet ready, and i’m not yet sure of my feelings for you. I dont know if this is really love, it still can wait nan-nan..

I was so pissed that time. I even wanted to kill myself for hurting him.  We broke up. After a week his cousin called me and said, he will be flying to U.S. by noon. I was so totally blinded by my emotion. He went to U.S. without me saying sorry.

I lost him. We’ll, now what i really wanted was to see him happy with his new girl.

I hope i can find someone like nan-nan.




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