25 08 2009

“I’m getting married…” she said.

I remember the first time i met her..She’s dashing with smile, elegant and confidence. She’s a crowd favorite. She may look so thin and vulnerable but she’s smart and tough. She took up BSBA.  I took up BSCA.  We are bestfriends.  Actually we are four bestfriends, the other are two gentlemen, jejeje. They’re both in Taiwan right now. See, they also stick together, as we, emz and I stuck together as best friends.

I love her. No doubt.  She never argue with me. I, the one, who always argue with her.

Me being the friend that I didn’t show my true feelings, I said that I was happy for her and that I am glad she has found someone that will make her happy.  This was such a hard thing for me to do.  I think one of my biggest concerns is that I will lose my best friend through all of this.

I’ve also realized that I am being extremely selfish.  I am going to accept this and wish her the best…. But this is really hard for me to do… Sighs…..I hope things work out for the best for her and I am wrong about losing my BEST friend!  But I am going to miss her…


It took me six months

24 08 2009
It has been 3 months since i wrote this but  i never had the courage to post it…..
It’s almost 6 months after we broke up.  My only regret was that I never had the chance to ask for forgiveness. I was wrong…when i asked him to go. He went to Kettering, M.D. His family is there.  Then he’s back again. I wondered why? His cousin told me, he is not happy there.
It would be so much easier to do this rather than sit down face to face. I would call but I don’t want to start a big argument or fight.
I sat down and wrote a long letter to him, starting with all the things I have learned from him, what I appreciated about him, how he’s helped me grow, and explained how I have changed since we started dating, thanks in part to him loving me, being there for me and helping me through some very tough times. I explained how we had be growing apart for a while, headed in different direction, and expressed the sincere desire that he meet a woman that would be a better match for him. I told him that I would really miss him as a friend but that we should not talk for a while and then maybe be  friends in the future if we are able to. I gave the letter to his cousin Thina. He tried caling me. I never answered.
Then, Thina came and asked me if I can see him  before his flight. We met in Makati. So i skipped work to meet him.
We hugged for a minute or two and he didnt want to let me go. He made a couple of comments to try to provoke a fight but I didnt bite. He was really sad. I just said thanks for everything and put my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, then walked away.
He has been the best boyfriend i ever had. Breaking up is never easy, and the healing process is long and hard. But sometimes it’s soothing just to know that people are there for me.
the realization….why????
I wanted so much to write this blog because we both know now that we are not meant for each other.
He’s getting married. Yeah, right. He is getting married but he’s so sad about it. He don’t want to marry the girl. I heard from Thina  that the girl’s pregnant and he’s “doing the right thing”. That’s one reason I always liked him.  He’s a real honest to goodness stand up kind of man.  So it didn’t surprise me that he’d marry her because his moral code dictated it. He’s so responsible, that’s why even it hurts so much, for both of us, he’s willing to sacrifice. As Thina, said, he once told her, ” what is the use for an ideal wedding, when the girl i want to offer my name refused to marry me.”
The truth was, i was so sad and shakened from my guard when i learned he’s getting married. I cried so much. It saddened me to the extent that i don’t even want to talked to my friends, and even my sister. I never had the courage to share this to anybody . I was  so ashamed that i let this to happen. It’s almost a month now since Thina told me about it. I don’t know, and i’m not sure if i can move on. I always wanted to see him and tell him that “I’m sorry”.
The good news was, I gained the courage to share this to my sister. She was shocked of course. Then she laughed, and said, “lucky girl”.
One evening, i told myself to Smile and Be happy. Well, I know now that this happens because we really not meant for each other.  😦

The Best Advice I had taken…: Balance

20 08 2009
The Best Advice(s) I had taken…
When I was still in college… my parents never fails to say that I should..
1. Enjoy life, because I am still young. Get serious about my school and enjoy my weekends to the fullest. No need to grow up all in one day. Just take it a step at a time.
2. Don’t go off trying to find a boyfriend. They say, Love happens when i least expect it. So just go and enjoy yourself, act responsibly, but have fun.
3. They told me to play hard now and i will work hard the rest of my life…work hard now (meaning make a great foundation for myself) and i will be able to make a choice of what i want to do for the rest of my life.

As I grow up… I learn these things…
It’s important to believe in myself as a person and to never give up things that makes me …ME. I think it’s all a balance but i do believe that i should focus on life a bit more… if i do that now i can enjoy more fun later. Do both. Work to live, and play to have fun. Take advantage of every opportunity and believe in myself. Learn to enjoy the simple pleasures in life..and try not to get into debt…(that is a great fun spoiler.)
If there is anything I really want to do, any big dream I have, I should position myself in such a way as to make it a reality. As John Lennon said, “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans,” but a little strategy here and there can make all the difference.

The good thing about life is that I have a lot of time; I can try things out. I just take the flow, I don’t take life too seriously, but I make a decision… where do I want to be. If I don’t know, which decision would I be more proud of having made in the end? Then, I ask myself what do I need to do to get there?
Just making a list of life goals, large and small, has inspired me to do so many thing with the rest of my life that I don’t know if I’ll be able to fit them all in!
This goal was seeking a one line answer to the question, which now seems such a narrow perspective to take and frankly a waste. Who wants to have one fixed path forever? My intention is to enjoy the journey of life in all its twists and turns- that’s what I’ll be doing with the rest of my life! 😉  XOXO


12 08 2009

I was inspired to write this little story of my own version of “the funny, very amusing, and unexpected proposal”.

Actually there are two; the first one was a proposal from my long time boyfriend. But it’s not funny. It was more of a strange and eerie kind of proposal. It was a scary, spine-chilling, startling proposal. It’s not because I’m afraid of my boyfriend, but I don’t know why there’s something that’s holding me. We are not together anymore, since I told him, I can’t marry him, but he’s still keep coming back.

The second one was a funny proposal. I was getting ready for the English class of the fast-track class when Mrs. Ding told me to prepare an icebreaker. What I prepared was kind of unusual. I like preparing lessons for them. This time, it’s a acting game. They have to respond or execute what they had picked from the magic bowl. It was like a charade thing.

One of them played like he has been fired by an incompetent boss, one played like she received a birthday cake then blows it. Some played by pairs like they saw a snake, driving, etc. The most interesting, arresting and amusing part was when Wang Jian approached me and kneeled down next to me where I was comfortably sitting and gave me a paper-improvised ring. The class was in a tremendous laughter and joy. I was so embarrassed and shocked at the same time. I wasn’t really expecting it. I was caught off-guard. Hmmm… I never thought they could be that crazy. LOL…

Wang Jian (Robert) is a friend of Stanley. I like Stanley more merely because he can speak English better than Robert. He can communicate with me. Robert is a man of few words (kc di nagsasalita at all..) Anyway, both are good-looking, impressive, pleasant, affable, true, good-humored, and kind-hearted fellow.

when an apple taste bitter…

11 08 2009
……the worst feeling is knowing how much you love someone, how much that person loves you back, and how perfect you are together, but for million unknown reasons, you can never stay together….
“There are times when I think of somebody and I start missing him and I start thinking about all the good things. And then I am back with him for about 10 minutes and I go ‘Oh! Now I remember why I hate you!'” …hahaha ‘bitter’