It took me six months

24 08 2009
It has been 3 months since i wrote this but  i never had the courage to post it…..
It’s almost 6 months after we broke up.  My only regret was that I never had the chance to ask for forgiveness. I was wrong…when i asked him to go. He went to Kettering, M.D. His family is there.  Then he’s back again. I wondered why? His cousin told me, he is not happy there.
It would be so much easier to do this rather than sit down face to face. I would call but I don’t want to start a big argument or fight.
I sat down and wrote a long letter to him, starting with all the things I have learned from him, what I appreciated about him, how he’s helped me grow, and explained how I have changed since we started dating, thanks in part to him loving me, being there for me and helping me through some very tough times. I explained how we had be growing apart for a while, headed in different direction, and expressed the sincere desire that he meet a woman that would be a better match for him. I told him that I would really miss him as a friend but that we should not talk for a while and then maybe be  friends in the future if we are able to. I gave the letter to his cousin Thina. He tried caling me. I never answered.
Then, Thina came and asked me if I can see him  before his flight. We met in Makati. So i skipped work to meet him.
We hugged for a minute or two and he didnt want to let me go. He made a couple of comments to try to provoke a fight but I didnt bite. He was really sad. I just said thanks for everything and put my hand on his shoulder and rubbed it, then walked away.
He has been the best boyfriend i ever had. Breaking up is never easy, and the healing process is long and hard. But sometimes it’s soothing just to know that people are there for me.
the realization….why????
I wanted so much to write this blog because we both know now that we are not meant for each other.
He’s getting married. Yeah, right. He is getting married but he’s so sad about it. He don’t want to marry the girl. I heard from Thina  that the girl’s pregnant and he’s “doing the right thing”. That’s one reason I always liked him.  He’s a real honest to goodness stand up kind of man.  So it didn’t surprise me that he’d marry her because his moral code dictated it. He’s so responsible, that’s why even it hurts so much, for both of us, he’s willing to sacrifice. As Thina, said, he once told her, ” what is the use for an ideal wedding, when the girl i want to offer my name refused to marry me.”
The truth was, i was so sad and shakened from my guard when i learned he’s getting married. I cried so much. It saddened me to the extent that i don’t even want to talked to my friends, and even my sister. I never had the courage to share this to anybody . I was  so ashamed that i let this to happen. It’s almost a month now since Thina told me about it. I don’t know, and i’m not sure if i can move on. I always wanted to see him and tell him that “I’m sorry”.
The good news was, I gained the courage to share this to my sister. She was shocked of course. Then she laughed, and said, “lucky girl”.
One evening, i told myself to Smile and Be happy. Well, I know now that this happens because we really not meant for each other.  😦



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