Those different and uncertain things…

29 06 2009


Over the past years I have learned how to understand and accept that life is uncertain.

I have approximate answers and possible beliefs and different degrees of certainty about different things, but I’m not absolutely sure of anything and many things I don’t know anything about, such as whether it means anything to ask why we’re here, and what the question might mean. I might think about it a little bit, but if I can’t figure it out, then I go on to something else. But I don’t have to know an answer…. I don’t feel frightened by not knowing things, by being lost in the mysterious universe without having any purpose, which is the way it really is, as far as I can tell, possibly. It doesn’t frighten me.

Whether life is or is not worth the pain of being lived, or, rather, whether it is worth the pain and the pleasure of being live depends, first and foremost on one’s capacity for love.

It takes strength to be firm, It takes courage to be gentle, It takes strength to stand guard, It takes courage to let down your guard, It takes strength to conquer, It takes courage to surrender, It takes strength to be certain, It takes courage to have doubt, It takes strength to fit in, It takes courage to stand out, It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain, It takes courage to feel your own pain, It takes strength to hide your own pains, It takes courage to show them, It takes strength to endure abuse, It takes courage to stop it, It takes strength to stand alone, It takes courage to lean on another, It takes strength to love, It takes courage to be loved, It takes strength to survive, It takes courage to live.






life has been…

29 06 2009

College life was the most memorable times in my life. I met different people from all walks of life.  I found friends and I found enemies too. I found mentors and I found detractors too. Life is uncertain. The only certain is change.

College has been very special because I learned to dream. I learned to face my fears and troubles.  I learned to trust and not to easily trust. I learned to seek comfort from my friends, and my friends learn to do the same.

Life back then was an every other day disaster. It was in those days that I have been down and troubled. I even remember, Sunday afternoon, I was getting ready for school tomorrow, i was packing my things and waiting for two o’clock for the bus heading to Tuguegarao when Mama called me. She was crying. At first, i hesitated to asked her. Then she began talking. I felt so numb, feeling nothing and helpless. It doesn’t even occur to me what was my mother talking about. After awhile, i was crying too, no, sobbing was the right word. I wasn’t been afraid in my whole life until that hurtful and crazy afternoon. Since i was a child, I have been secured with comfort and loved. People see us above them. We, as family, were happy. It didn’t occur to me once that one in the family  will leave us beyond those foolishness.  Where’s the love? Where’s the promise? Where’s the magic? I kept asking it to myself. Are we not  enough to make him stay? I have loved my father so much. I adore him, why not, I’m a Papa’s Girl.  I always thought I’m his favorite.

Life has been very difficult. Me and Mama have to keep it to ourselves. She don’t want my siblings to know about it. So it goes like a non-ending rain and storm for two months.

My father came home, because his aunt died. Who, in his life, became his second mother. Papa came home. I was so sure to be happy then if I had only not known about it.  Though, I missed him so much that i wanted to hug him.

At last, they talked, then surprisingly, they are back together again. I believed it was loved after all. They found love again, they found a shared promise and they have a sparkling magic, us a s their children.

It’s so confusing, but I don’t even try to react and asked what happened. What i really wanted to hear that time was a happy thoughts, a happy plan, and a happy get-together.  I was soooo happy. Now, i am more than happy.

Life is simple, its just not easy. Life’s not always fair.  Sometimes you can get a splinter even sliding down a rainbow.

What’s in C.H.I.T.O thing?

29 06 2009

Reminiscing college years was nice. April & I sometimes find time to do it. And always, we ended up laughing and breathless. Breathless  because we find those memories happy, sometimes sad and even hurtful. And i want to write something about my friends. I just don’t know how to start. So that, if in the future, i may not be able to recognized them, i can always open this blog  and hopefully flashbacks may come as i read this. I want to start with a special friend. He is special because, I think I’m the only sincere friend he got in our CA class.

I thought of him, when April mentioned that she saw Chito, just along Morayta during her review. She probably figured out that it was Chito, because as far as I am concerned, they don’t know each other yet. They are not yet properly introduced and they don’t get along well. The only thing they knew is that, Im Aprils’ Dorm mate and Chito was my classmate.

I haven’t seen him for a long time and I never thought of him since our last meeting until now.

Chito was  closed to my heart. He idolized, of course his katokayo, Chito Miranda. He also sings and dance. He don’t like our classmates, at least that’s what I feel, or maybe the other way around. Annie and I are the only roses among the thorns, jejeje, in our CA class.  Though, he has a lot of friends, and I can say, he’s famous, but in our class, he’s the infamous one.  He got looks (i mean,  the arrive thing, as what they call it).

Always, in our CA class, he will  find ways to sit beside me. He’s jolly and has a sense of humor. He sits like, he’s in their living room. He’s always closed to me that sometimes, i feel so embarassed and sometimes uncomfortable sitting beside him. Of course, our profs noticed it,  especially Ms. Mariett, our Custom laws professor and also our adviser. But she doesn’t even give a damned, or even try to tell us what to do. Maybe, she finds that, we are now college students, and we should act and be responsible in our own.

My other friends would always tell me, “masyado kayong close, kulang na lang, sumandig siya sa balikat  mo”. Sometimes, they would say, ” Annie, dito ka na lang tumabi, may tatabi naman sa kanya mamaya“. I really don’t understand why they despised Chito so much. He’s a friend, and will always be a friend to me, I like himas brother, a brother, who in some ways, shows how weak and vulnerable he may be.  Sometimes, I asked myself, ” Why are they so mean?”. I always felt that Chito only attends the class because I’m still there for him, as a friend.  Annie, said once, “Boyfriend mo ba si Chito?” I was shocked, hearing it from a friend. I said “no”, because it was the truth. They are all weird.

Chito calls me “Ma”, short for Malou, How lazy?, one syllable wouldn’t hurt. My other friends raised their eyebrows when they first heard him called me “Ma”. That’s what he wants to call me, so what can I do.

I am a friend and sometimes a confidante.  I still remember his face and his excitements when he told me he has a crush. Wow, that’s new. I know the girl, she’s so nice and kind and she was taking up nursing at that time. He told me, he wanted to court her. I was happy, that he was moving on his own. He mingles and hang out with his friends from Med department.  I saw him happy and even slowly talking with our classmates. He’s not that really aloof. He’s just uncomfortable with the rest of the classmates around.

The rest of the class stayed aloof to him, and it even became worse because Chito was no longer attending classes. If I remember it right, I think it was his mother who came to the school and said that Chito was not welcome to the class. That’s so unfair and untrue.

Well, that’s all i remember about him. I haven’t seen him since then.   🙂

My definition of Love

23 06 2009
i love you
If I were to ask,  How would I define Love? well Love is..
  1. Unselfish

True and Loyal
Does not sees wrong
It has no end
It should be Real

According to the Bible…
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

True love will always be kind. True love will never flaunt itself for attention. True love will never be jealous of others and their accomplishments.

True  love will always be thinking of others and their welfare. True love will never rejoice or wallow in evil and sin.

jejeje.. na22han ko lang po yan thru my friends.. because i really saw them really hurt, cries on my shoulder, whining like a baby.. i hope it won’t
happen to me.. Pero sabi nga nila.. Hindi ka matututong magmahal kung di ka masasaktan.
I just wish for lesser pain.. if may painkiller lang and pagiging heartbroken, sana ok lang kahit araw-araw tayong masaktan
Drinking liqour, is not a solution, it could even make it worst. Sana if Einstein can hear me, i probably tell him, “ei, pare, gumawa k nga ng painkiller para sa mga heartbroken kong kaibigan”… hihihihi…

PEACE mga friendsssssssss… ♥